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I don't really have much to write now. I just wanted to share the
collaborative work of my friend and myself... Phil came up for the
day (it's spring break right now for the UTC kids). We walked around
campus, ate some slimy catfish at the Old College Inn, bought some beer,
went home with blockbuster-rented Kicking and Screaming,
which, for whatever reason, Phil had a craving for.
Kicking and Screaming wasn't nearly as bad as I remembered
it. The last time I watched it I was recently graduated and broken up; it
hurt. We watched Swingers right afterwards up in John's
closet-of-an-apartment, and it occurred to me that the latter movie was
written by a man who recently fell into the love and excitement of a new
relationship, whereas the author of the former title had recently fell out
of one. What a fucking downer.
Regardless, we watched, and
Olivia D'Abo's
appearance reminded me that she'd been listed in the credits for the daily
disney Tarzan cartoon, and somehow this got me and Phil dreaming about
being voiceover artistes.
"Artistes" I says.
To reach the ranks of Hank Azaria, Julie Kavner, Harry Shearer, &c. of
the Simpsons, and, God forbid, dare to reach for Mel Blanc-ness--this is
that of which we dreamed. So we set out and tried to come up with funny
voices and the cartoon characters that could carry them. We tried deep,
evil voices; we tried happy trilling voices. It was fun, but we still
needed the cartoons...
So we started drawing. Phil's first good voice was that of a dolphin (it
was kind of like the German pig motion-picture director in that early
daffy duck cartoon, the one with the trilling gutteral "r"s, but Phil's
cartoon-dolphin-voice was higher, and it [the dolphin] only spoke "don't
eat the tuna!" A few minutes later, we decided this was not the voice of
a fearful dolphin, but instead the voice of a crafty tuna disguised as a
lovable dolphin. The prototype cartoon was soon to follow...
Cute as "Tuna" was, we both understood that a slimy fish couldn't carry a
cartoon, and so we went about looking for a leading man...
At some point, one of us mentioned pandas.
Pandas. Easy to draw--a few black spots on a clean white background; cute
and cuddly; all in all, the perfect cartoon character. Only one catch--
I had been to the national zoo. When I had been at the national zoo, I had
seen the pandas. When I had seen the pandas, I saw them poop.
Panda poop is freaky. Remember, they only eat bamboo. Bamboo shoots used
to be shoved under the fingernails of POWs to get them to tell military
secrets. When pandas poop, bamboo shards shoot out their ass. Ouch.
When bamboo does shoot out, it looks kind of like an artichoke. Green,
spiky, and pinched at one end. Ouch again...
Needles(s) to say, I've been a little bit obsessed with panda poo for a
while now. This obsession--combined with the ease of
panda-comic-representation--has led to:
Poo-Poo the Panda!!!
This drawing was the culmination of an hour's efforts to put a cartoon
panda in a diaper. Not as easy as you might think... We think he looks
British. They're anal retentive, right? What do you think?
...
The fact that you, fair reader, made it this far down the page indicates
to us that you have something invested here... Phil and I suggest that you
take that investment and reinvest it--make silly voices of your own, draw
cute cartoons to accompany them, and have a grand old time. And, when
you're having that grand old time,
tell us about it!
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