(a fat letter)
November 23, 1999
Dear Mr. S_:
Thank you for submitting your medical information to the Office of Medical Services. We have reviewed your medical records and determined that we must defer our evaluation of your medical qualification until your [sic] are asymptomatic and your orthopedic condition is resolved.
...
I regret that we cannot offer you an assignment at this time. ...
(included is a sheet titled "Alternatives to the Peace Corps.")

(another fat letter, fatter than the last one)
March 8, 2000
Dear Mr. S_:
I am sorry to inform you that the faculty in the Committee on Social Thought was unable to recommend admission.
(The reason it was fat: I had been accepted into a program to which I had never applied nor expressed interest. Ooo, they even offered me a one-third tuition scholarship, one-third of their $25K tuition... Can I just take the cash, please?)

(this one as fat as the last)
March 10, 2000
Dear Mr. S_:
I am writing to inform you that after carefully considering your application, the faculty in the Committee on the Ancient Mediterranean World was unable to recommend your admission directly to their Ph.D. program...
(Again, the package's girth = admission to a program to which I never applied, and this one looks thoroughly uninteresting; in fact, this one looks like a money-collecting scam it looks so bad. And they didn't even offer the consolation prize of a nugatory tuition-dent...)

(very skinny)
March 10, 2000
Dear Mr. S_:
Whatever!
(Those guys at NASA can be so cruel...)